I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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