Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
