Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
