he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
try to milk me bitch
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
