I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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