i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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