My liver just broke up with me...
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
