If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
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i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
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He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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