now i know why i became what i already was.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
