i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
