remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
