Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
