the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
