when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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