We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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