i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
