She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
