So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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