I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
