i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
