We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
