I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
