You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
