I cannot find my penis.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
