I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
