You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
