break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
