But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
