I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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