I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
