it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
