ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
