If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
