Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
