Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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