I bet he comes in French.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
