The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
