maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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