420 ftw
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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