What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize