Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
