I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
