So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
