I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
