thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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