the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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