After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
