I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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