dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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