The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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