Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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