PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
