i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
