the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
