I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
