Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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