I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
