This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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