It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
