I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
