I want to make a zoo with you.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
