If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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