I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
